A ray of Hope for the STICK-IN-THE-MUD MOM

As a mom, I feel like I suffer much from a lack of fun which effects the whole house. Sometimes I wonder how I turned out so serious when I had one of the most fun moms around.  (I guess she forgot to pass on the spontaneous- "what the heck, I'll jump in the tub" gene to me.)  

I have a lot of fear that my kids will distance themselves from me as they grow older because I tend to be such a stick-in-the-mud RULE ENFORCER!  Whenever I try to relax and let things slide, I feel like I pay for it for weeks trying to get the rules back in place.  

So, I have become more and more strict and quick to discipline.  I often cut them off when they try to explain, because if I listen too much it just seems to drag on and on.  

Yesterday, we went for a walk and Jaxen got mad at me for not carrying his skate board for him.  (Note: I told him not to bring the skate board and that if he got tired of riding it, he would have to carry it) 

 

So I stuck to the rule---- because I'm the mean stick-in-the-mud mom--- and he stayed mad at me for hours.  When he would walked past me his face would tense up and he would stomp on by.  He talked friendly to Jason, but wouldn't forgive me until bed time.  

My heart sank as I projected this relationship into the teenage years.  Will I CONTROL away our relationship?  Will he not trust me to listen, not want me to know of his mistakes because I react so poorly so often???? 

Lately, I have noticed Jaxen using the same mean tone of voice that I use on him and it cuts me to the core.  I feel like I have such bad habits and that I have to work so hard to keep on my game.  I have been praying for patience and for help in nurturing my kids with LOVE and FIRMNESS, but too often I get frustrated and react far below what I know to be right.  

Today, my visiting teacher came and talked about the atonement and I saw a ray of hope for an "unfun" gal like me.  She said that the atonement covers all of our imperfections and will make right the places where we have failed. 

 It occurred to me that this can happened for my kids and for me as a mother.  All of these mistakes I am making can be overcome through the atonement.  I often fall into the trap of feeling guilty and afraid that the Lord is angry with me for my mistakes, so I pull back from Him and try to make it through on my own merit.  NOT A GOOD PLAN!!!!

The Lord knew we would make mistakes and knew that it was necessary for our salvation. 

 I guess I usually think of repentance for things like being unchaste or unforgiving of others.  But today the words "infinite atonement" took on a whole knew meaning. It can make up for my "unadventorous/resistant for change" ways 

It can make my kids whole in the places where I may leave gaps.  In fact, if I can use the atonement to become better and teach me kids to use it, we may indeed grow closer because of our mistakes.  I often think about these little spirits trusting me to be their mother and I feel so inadequate, but isn't that the beauty.  Our children will be our greatest teachers, because expose our weaknesses and, if we let them, uncover our greatest potential.  

I love my kids for loving me, for forgiving me so completely and for giving me rays of hope that I am doing an ok job.  This morning my kids were playing so well together, killing dragons I believe, and on the way to church Madeline said to Jaxen.

"Jaxen, I think we are like best friends"

His response was "No, we're even better 'cause we're a family and that is forever, even in heaven"

Madeline:  "Yeah, and we even are best friends with Elijah, even though he hits us and stuff"

Well, we're not quite ready for heaven, but we're working on it.  (Even Elijah and his shananagins!)

Another Whirl Wind Trip For Us

Well, it wasn't easy, but we successfully purchased yet another home in just a few short days.  We drove all night on thursday, saw a few housed on friday and continued to go at an alarming pace through the weekend.  By monday, we put on offer on a house and by tuesday night the deal was done.  To make it even crazier, the kids and I are moving on May 15th, while Jason stays to finish up residency.  We were so pleased to be in our parents stake, get the schools we wanted and still be happy with the house.  Here she is, the flyer described it as the "Lake Crest Beauty".  I am just so happy to have some concrete day dreams and to start imagining our next step.  Now my only unknowns are 1. can I really pack up all of the crap and 2. how will I survive a 5 weeks with no Jro to help unpack.  I guess time will tell.

Elijah is "FREE"

We are still working on his beginning sounds, so according to him, he turned "free" on his "irt-day"  I can't believe my baby boy is so big!!! This is him just a few days old.  He never lost one hair on his head, it has just gotten thicker and a tad lighter.

3 things about our Elijah-man.

1.   He loves the ladies and uses his big brown eyes to swoon them into submission.  The nursery workers always comment on his being "such a lover-boy"  and gush over his cuteness.  I just have to roll my eyes because I know it is all apart of his plan to wrap them around his little finger.  (I have to laugh because I was the first victim of his charms and still melt when he gives me the big baby browns.)

2.  For the most part, he is a pretty serious guy.  He is very calculated and likes things to be just so.  He likes things to be on a routine and he gets very immersed in his puzzles and inventions.

3.   He is spoiled, spoiled, spoiled.  We all get irritated by his antics, but in the end he has this whole family out to protect and defend him.  Both Jaxen and Madeline use a high pitched voice to try to please him when he is upset, offering him ideas and suggestions to get his mind off of his current trauma.  He has no clue just how lucky he is to have so many admirers, but I hope he grows to appreciate his charmed position in the family.

Here are pictures from his party in Colorado.  He wasn't feeling very good and was quite a turd for most of it, but the opening of the gifts seemed to pull him out of his funk.  Happy Birthday Big Boy!

Being Fancy

This week Madeline had a "Book Character Parade".  She of course wanted to be her favorite heroine of the written word......Fancy Nancy.  We had a blast making her fancy!

Spring is in the Air & a Tooth Beyond Repair

AHHH, just what we all needed.  Two days of spring time weather has the whole city in smiles.  Every park is full, joggers are out and some BBQ smells have been detected.  It's supposed to snow tomorrow, so we are soaking it up while we can.

You know I couldn't resist a run.  It has been months since I had taken my trusty four mile route and I was in HEAVEN!!!  65 degress, the perfect breeze and my new running shoes from  Christmas getting their first taste of asphalt.  Sorry treadmill, your days are numbered!!

Also this week, Jaxen had to have a tooth pulled.  He had a cavity in a baby tooth, so the dentist thought it would be less painful to just take'er out.  He was so brave and was only down for an hour or so afterwards.  Kids are so resilant.  The tooth was so big, as it had the roots intact, that the tooth fairy gave him a whopping five dollars!!!  

PS. On the stress eating, I am taking a new approach.  Rather than eat a whole bunch of random crap, I am focusing on a few super yummy stress releasers.  Mint Milanos, Cadbury Mini eggs and this chocolate Biscotti worked wonders!!!

The Girl of Twirls is SIX!!!

My poor Madeline has had so many ridiculous nicknames from me.  "the moo-kablue",  "maddie moozer", "boobus" (sadly shortened to "boobs"), "moo-mus" and from her dad "babes".  But of all of her aliases, the one that fits her best is "The girl of twirls"  She has always been a bundle of exuberance and joy and now my little "moomit" (yes, there are many more) has turned SIX.

Who would have guessed that this little angel would come to rock our worlds so completely!

Too keep things consistent, I will write 6 things I love about "the moomala, boobala" (pitiful..I know)

1.  She wakes up happy everyday!  Despite the normal girly mood swings, Madeline's basic demeanor is upbeat, ready to roll and excited about all new adventures.  I love this picture of her in the red suit because it shows her confidence.  She still stands with her chest high and her belly out, with nothing to hide!

2.  She lets me do her hair.  This poor child has had to sit through hours and hours of me playing with her hair, and she does it so patiently.   As long as I let her watch "a kid show" she will sit and let me live vicariously through her lovely locks.

3.  She's a daddy's girl.  She cannot get enough of the man. She just wants to be close to him and have his constant attention.  All day we talk about when daddy will be home and as soon as we hear the roar of the Bronco coming into the driveway she comes running.  

4.  She loves to work and clean.  Seeing the contrast between Madeline and Jaxen is hilarious!  Jaxen slumps through his chores, trying every trick to get out of one.  Not the Moo.  She works so hard, so efficiently and best of all, she sings and skips all through it.   (Although she was a bit perturbed that she had to do her morning chores on her birthday)

5.  She's never at a loss for words.  I mean Never.  Sometimes I feel like my head will explode from the constant barrage of talking....talking....TALKING!  Whenever I complain to Jason that she just never stops, or worry that she has absolutely no filter from brain to mouth, he is quick to remind me that someday we will be hoping that she feels that she can still talk to us.  I see his point, I just hope my brain can keep up with her dizzying intellect.

6.  She's my friend.  The older she gets the more I think that if we were the same age, we would totally be friends.   Our mother-daughter time is so precious to me.  I love grocery shopping with her, baking up something yummy in the kitchen or having her do my hair and make-up to pass some time.  I wanted to have a girl so badly and I just feel so grateful I got this one in particular!

Stress Eating!!

Someone stop me NOW!!!  Why do I do this?  When I am stressed, I eat and eat and eat a whole bunch of crap.  At this rate, by the time we move I 'm going to need a whole new wardrobe.  Is it innate within in me, is it a learned behavior or just an excuse to indulge in what I deny myself most of the time.  The truth is, in the end, I am left much more stressed as I worry and lament my poor choices.  It's almost a robotic reflex, as the carbs are shoved in to feed the "worry wart" inside.  

I think the most frustrating part for me is that I really feel like I have changed my habits so completely.  That I am committed to healthy living through and through and yet, once again I am left with the bitter truth.  I am not wholly reformed, I am but an argument with Jason, one more negative pregnancy test or a building inspection away from a cookie dough feast.  I expose this only because I am truly puzzled by this and I am hoping that by being candid, I will stop this cycle of "gorgery".  (OOOOUUU, I like that new made-up word)  Maybe I'll go to Trader Joe's tomorrow, it always inspires me.